I miss college, which is by far the greatest 4+ years of vacation from “real life” ever invented.  Not only is this hiatus expected and encouraged, but activities that fall squarely under misdemeanor penal codes in the real adult world can be written off at will as “random college hi-jinks”.  Things like Supersoaker^TM fights with stolen fire extinguishers in the dorms and "urban-offroading" up Janss steps (if anyone from UCLA is reading this and remembers it being under construction during some random week in the summer of 04... please don't blame me, blame the falsely advertised ground clearance level of a 2003 Nissan Frontier... 'off roading package' my ass). 

Well, when I graduated I sure as hell wasn’t ready to roll up the sleeves and start this “real life” of “9-5 work ‘n responsibilities” and “balancing checkbooks” and figuring out this year’s maximum IRA contribution.  So I’m in school again, studying to become a mechanic of the teeth.  I pulled a get-out-of-life card, * and you can too!  Here’s a few to get you started.

Studying For the LSAT

This has pretty much the most common one in the deck.  You realize that with your GPA approximately equal to the number of good Rob Schneider movies, you're headed to the prestigious Southern Georgia School of Law-ing Polytech.  But nonetheless, purchasing that Kaplan LSAT book means that funneling your parents’ “test-prep materials” money into your general beer fund is validated.

Becoming a Real Estate Agent

This is pretty much the go-to option in New York City.  I don’t know about you, but pretty much every other guy I meet at a lounge/bar is a “licensed real-estate agent”, whipping out their business cards like those people that pass out the Porn at Vegas.  I’m not saying real estate agentry is not a real job, but c’mon, when your certification comes in package deals with discounts, you’re about as legitimate as Ann Nicole Smith trying to become a “serious dramatic actor”.  Nonetheless, “Licensed Real Estate Agent in Manhattan” sounds a lot less pathetic than "hanging out with the boys and going to tanning salons" to those extended family members at your cousin’s wedding huh?

 

"Travel"

Now, it’s one thing to squeeze in some trips if you’ve just finished a grueling paid internship and you push back your job offer acceptance a few months in order to take a breather.  But I’m talking about the kind of traveling that comes when you graduate into jobless-ness during winter, and then use your current FAFSA file to take out a loan at the Financial Aid office.  While grandpa and grandma might buy the whole “backpacking through Europe” bit or “experiencing the cultures of Asia”, we know that you’re either hitting up hookers in Amsterdam, or hitting up hookers in Thailand.

J-E-T

Pre-arranged details, everything taken care of, AND paid to live and drink in the silliness that is of Japan?  Plus no legitimate skills or a real degree (sorry you sociology/education majors) needed?  Shit I think you hit the jackpot with this one. 

* By the way, I actually really like dentistry.  I just needed an intro.