<Any resemblance to real life events are completely coincidental>

 

It seems that professors always give the “don’t be afraid to ask questions, there are no stupid questions” line at the start of a new class.

 

That’s plain cock-foolery!  As a matter of fact, almost every question that have popped up in the ubiquitous 200+ auditorium-style lectures falls into one of two types... and with both types being utter wastes of breathe.

 

Type one.  These are questions of a ridiculously basic and downright stupid nature that can be answered if one would simply take some semblance of initiative to review the materials covered on your own. 

E.g:

“… the first order sensory neurons will synapse in the dorsal horn within the gray matter of the spinal cord …”

“what’s a neutron?”

 

Here’s an idea, take 10 seconds out of your life and put it into Google.  Or better yet, try looking over the stuff that’s been taught.  Your inquiry of asininity means that time is taken to address it, which means we’re all sitting in our seats longer past the hour.  I’m not upset at you, I’m just upset that you and I are at the same place in life.  Have fun in summer remediation.

 

Questions that fall into the second category are those that are so technical or specific that it’s obviously beyond the scope of the damncourse. 

E.g:

“…practical amounts of cell culture can only be obtained if h-SCF stimulating factors are added to the sample batch prior to…”

“um, excuse me, but 2 summers ago when I worked as head associated intern of research at the Boobshymen Lab in Stanford adequate product was obtained by simply combining….”

 

Shut the fuck up and stop trying to show off how smart you are.  Look, it’s ok to try to impress the professors and all, or to learn more about the topic if you’re actually genuinely interested.  But c’mon, at what point of Operation Hey-Let-Me-Initiate-1-On-1-Conversation-With-Professor-In-Auditorium-Full-of People did you think that it was a good idea??  I’m not upset at you, I just hate you because you’re going to score some killer letter of recommendation.

* I'm aware that I too have been guilty of asking some truly stupid shit in class before.  Rest easy, for the first person on my Douchebag List is yours truly.